"Why is da sky blue, mama? An...why...is it...so so big?" I wasn't sure how to answer so that it would make sense to him. I didn't have the technical language to give him a straight up scientific answer either. I punted. "Well, the sky is big because it covers the whole Earth and the Earth is very very big. The sun makes light and when it comes all the way down here to us it makes different colors and it makes the sky look blue."
"Do you understand?"I asked. "No, is OK" he replied. Dang, I thought I had nailed it.
I had my mission. That afternoon we would do some science. The kind of science that I can handle. The easy kind. I'm sure I could find a website to guide me, right? There has to be a perfect way to explain this. I was excited.
I was excited because with Mr. Pants the majority of our conversations are what therapists call scripted. Repeated phrases from him and then he dictates to me what he wants me to say. I actually cannot think of a time when he just asked me a question and then waited for an answer. This new conversation he was trying out had me eager to talk to him. A little too eager, of course. So yeah, eventually he stopped talking to me because I started over-doing it. It's my curse.
My hands want to get up in the mix. My words want to go on and on and on. I want to educate about all of the things! I want to teach my children SO MUCH STUFF! But with a kid like Pants, that doesn't fly. His need for predicting any given outcome ends up closing him up so much of the time. Conversation gets intimidating. Talking too much is frowned upon. This is, of course, just terrible for me as I am a talker von talks-a-lot. I am prone to sitting for hours and just talking. So this lesson I hope to teach him became my focus and like a toddler with a kitten by the neck, I squeeze the life damn near out of this achievement for him faster than I am able to stop myself. He was done with it. His body language screamed "Just back away slowly, mama".
So, I backed off and it started to rain. It got so gross. The sun went away. Replaced by grey skies and muck. So. Much. Muck. The temperature dropped and my plans for playing outside and talking about sunlight were officially dashed.
Later in the day I was doing dishes when he said "Is raining outside. Is because the clouds are here now?" My jaw dropped. "Yeah, dude. The clouds get filled up with water and when they get too heavy, it rains" I looked down at my sponge. LIGHTBULB! "Watch this" I offered as I dipped the sponge in the water and then held it high above the sink and squeezed. I pretty much thought I was a genius. He wasn't impressed. "Dat's not a cloud! Dat's a sponge." Burn.
I came within a millisecond of launching. My urge, once again, to talk talk talk-y talk talk. But by some kind of grace, my parenting fairy godmother placed her hand on my shoulder and whispered in my ear to zip it. I could almost feel her pretend fingers holding my lips shut. She let go just enough for me to say "Wanna go play in the mud?"
And as I stripped them down and brought them in for a warm bath, my little guy said to me "YOU ROCK, Mama! I love the mud!" and the smiles all around were enormous.