I really don't even know what to say. I have no words for the feelings that are inside me today as I watch you play and talk and run and dance and sing. I could say that I am filled with love, because I am. But that's not enough. I could say that you are funny and smart and so full of music that it makes my heart laugh and think and sing and dance right alongside you. But that is not enough, either.
There is a quietness to what I am feeling today. A stillness that is surrounding me as I watch you. I'd be lying if I said I wasn't a bit sad today, too. But only because you have been incredible every single day of your life and I know I will never be able to remember every single moment no matter how hard I try. I want to remember every single moment.
I am watching you today and I can't stop crying the misty whimsical tears as I think about the enormity of the love you bring to our family. You give smiles and light and love freely. You forgive instantly. You accept our faults and expect the same in return. You have taught us to breathe deeper and wait just a minute longer when we become impatient.
There is an ease that you possess that none of the rest of us have. It is surely your superpower. You are a compass.
Your heart is worn proudly on your sleeve. You have strength in you that is quiet at times and in other times it is pouring out all over the place. Your ability to create is astounding for a person so little.
You always know the climate of a room. You remind us to give more of our hearts. You say things like, "Wanna sit with me?" when you know someone is upset or "I jus need two minutes, mkay?" when you are pushing the limits of something or "I need you to hold me right now, Mama!" when I am missing the mark and need to slow down.
And you, little lady, have your brother figured out in all the ways. You are the only one who does. You gently tell him to whisper with you when you see him escalating. You know when to hug him and say "I got you, Bud" and you know when to leave him be alone even though it kills you a little because you want to hug and hold and kiss all the pain or fear away. You also now when it's an OK time to razz him up and give him a taste of his own medicine.
You stand up and take no guff, Plum. You are nobody's doormat. Sometimes your voracity for all the things backfires and scuffs your confidence but never for long. You are learning to temper your storms and give others a chance to lead. But it's hard for you. You are kind of a bad ass when it comes to taking the reins and charging forward. I LOVE that about you. It will serve you well in life.
So I'm sitting here thinking all of these things and tears are hitting the backs of my hands as I type. I am all at once in love with this day, your first full day as a three year-old, and wishing it wasn't here just yet. It's too soon and it's just the right time. I want to go back in time and I want to stay right here to see what tomorrow is all about. I want to hold you as a tiny baby one more time and I want to head outside and paint our driveway with you today. I want to smell your sweet newborn head again while watching you sing your favorite song in full costume.
Just a few weeks ago, Daddy and I were talking about how all of a sudden you are very much three years-old. You are taller and your hair is thicker. Your sentences are getting so long and complicated. You have an air about you that looks different for you and we kept trying to put a finger on what it was. There is a newness. Like a new side of you is about to emerge. I can't wait to be here when it does.
Happy Birthday to you my compassionate, kind, hilarious and fancy little lady. I still need to pinch myself when I consider the gift that it is to be your mama. I'm always striving to earn your love. But, damn, baby girl... you just make it so easy.