It was this time last year that I began considering a blog. I watched as the days flew by and I wanted to keep a record of our life so that someday, these kids could read about the times when they were tiny. The times they could not remember. I am so glad that I did. I had no idea what we were in for this last year when I wrote him this...
On this day 2 years ago I went into labor with you at 2:30 in the morning. I remember sitting at the computer with a red pen and writing down every contraction. As they grew stronger and stronger I knew that today was the day I would finally meet you. I was so excited and also a little bit scared. You were my first baby and I was worried that I wouldn't know how to be your mama. After 15 hours of labor my body was ready to push but you had other plans. You were so cozy and happy in there that you tried to stay. The doctor thought it was best to deliver you via c-section and you were born just a bit later. I will never forget hearing your cry. You were so mad! But when they wrapped you up and gave you to your daddy, you felt safe. When I saw your beautiful face, there was this wave of love that changed me. You turned me into a mama in that instant and I haven't wanted to be anything else since. The last 2 years have been filled with so much. There were times that my heart filled with so much love that I was sure there was no way to love you more but then we'd wake up the next day and sure enough, I did. I loved you more. Thank you for choosing me to be your mama. I promise you that for your whole life you will be loved and you will be safe
with me. Not just your body, but also your heart. You have become such an amazing and adventurous spirit. I think about all the things that you could do in your life and I can not wait to find out what it holds for you, but please don't grow up too fast ok? As I type this, you are about to wake up to start the 3rd year of your life. I wonder if you will look bigger or learn a new word today? I am so excited to watch you grow this year. I know there will be plenty of surprises in store for us because you are one creative and curious little boy. I hope you never unlearn that Silas. You have taught me how to be curious again and to wonder. Thank you my baby boy for loving me. Your love is amazing. I love you. I love you. I love you.
Plenty of surprises? Yeeeeeah, I hit the nail on the head with that one. It's been a wild ride since I wrote him that letter. But more on that later. What I'm caught up in this morning is this picture. Taken exactly one year ago. It's not a spectacular photo or even a great one. But it made me pause. The way he's smiling at the mud in his hands. The chub in his cheeks. The spring of the curl in his hair. And he's sitting in his signature pose. I probably have a hundred pictures of him sitting exactly like this. And I can't stop staring at this one. In one year's time, he went from my chubster baby to my lil bird boy. I already miss that little two year old rascal. Damn, man. It just goes way too fast. I suspect that I will have these moments before every birthday. And I'm pretty sure that no matter how far down the birthday road we get, every year he will still look like my little baby. And I will stare at pictures of him and have a good cry. Sigh. This mom gig is crazy on the heart.