When I first made the decision to nurse my babies, my reason was because it was free. Formula is expensive! I could feed my baby for free if I nursed. So that's what I decided to do. It didn't take very long into nursing Mr. Pants that my reasons for breastfeeding became a whole lot more than that. And now as I approach a new normal for our family, one where there are no more little babies, I am left trying to remember all the things that I loved about nursing them as infants. So I am putting those reasons here. So that I never forget.
Reasons like, the moment when nursing a baby to sleep and they are almost there and their latch loosens and they fall off. Then they quietly and desperately search for mama and latch back on and fall deep into sleep. It's. The. Best. Sometimes they even give a sigh. It's absolutely heart melting and has been known to make me tear up. Big surprise, I know. Me? Cry?
When my baby is scared or tired or hurt. She nurses and it soothes her fears or helps her to relax into a peaceful sleep. And there is something really beautiful that happens with Ms. Plum. She looks at me. She looks right into my eyes and we spend some time just memorizing the minutes. Her big blue eyes meeting mine in that place.
I love that in the middle of night she finds her way back to my belly if she drifts away. Or that when she wakes in the morning with the most sweet and sleepy eyes you've ever seen, she wants to ease into the day with some mama milk. And when she's done, she giggles. And smiles the milky grin. The milky grin is the sweetest.
And then there's her paws. Sometimes she looks like a lil puppy when she nurses. She hangs on and her fingers curl under and her hands look like paws. It's kind of the greatest thing. And I will absolutely never forget that she does that. Or when she slides her hands under my body to keep them warm as she falls asleep.
I'm gonna miss it. I'm really really gonna miss it. But I'm so grateful that I had it. Because it was awesome. And I have a feeling that this next year will be just as awesome. Just different.