Here's what happened.
I woke up with a spring in my step and a determination to try a full day of being absolutely amazing. Truth be told, I thought that if I could do it, I might win my kidlet's favor for a few days so I could veg out and get caught up on Glee. I was going for best mom of all-time forever and I totally achieved it.
Let's pause real quick to pat myself on the back. Just be gentle because my back fucking hurts.
So I made Pants Family history! From morning til night, I did all the things a perfect mom is supposed to do ( I didn't even drink any wine!) and as I lay down to sleep I had the distinct pleasure of knowing that, while this will never happen again, it happened today. THAT can never be taken away from me.
First things first, I made breakfast and didn't use the microwave. I sorted and folded all the laundry but only after I set the little angels up with a craft at the table. THEN I cleaned up the craft mess! Like immediately!
Next the littles and I spent some time reading books in the playroom. Then...hold your butt...we cleaned the playroom together while singing songs. I am not shitting you. We sang songs and cleaned. As we cleaned, I packed a few (reusable) bags of toys for the Goodwill. And here's the kicker...we WENT TO THE GOODWILL TO IMMEDIATELY DROP THEM OFF.
Next was Lunch where I really outdid myself. I used all of the leftovers in the fridge to create a delicious buffet of foods to choose from and I am pleased to report that both children ate something. Teaching the kids about food waste and creativity at once. It happened. Our bellies were full so I happily told the children to do some "free-playing" while I DID THE DISHES. As in, I did them immediately. Right then and there. Not to brag, but I had a little bounce going the whole time because I was kind of nailing the perfect day thus far.
A quick afternoon rundown via photo documentation anyone? Bike races, the ever elusive sidewalk chalk was busted out in true "Your mom is awesome" fashion, mud play, hands washed and WE ATE DINNER OUTSIDE. Not to brag too hard but I made the dinner while making lunch so that it could be heated quickly without having to come inside. It was brilliant of me. Truly.
I wasn't tired.
Then it was time for a bubble bath of epic proportions. I used half the bottle, you guys. The children were literally overtaken in what can only be described as heaven's version of a bubble bath. While the children played, I tidied up the living room, prepped pajamas and quickly downed a cold cup of coffee because I was close to dying...er I mean, I was maybe a little tired.
Nighttime snack of cheese and apples was a huge hit and it was time for bed. I presented my lovelies with brand new tooth brushes and toothpaste and they celebrated by showering me with thanks and smiles that I totally deserved.
Off to bed! But I'm not done being awesome just yet... I stretched the rules a bit and instead of two books each we read SEVEN books. SEVEN!
Best. Mom. Ever.
As I stretched my legs to avoid cramps and rubbed my feet to soothe the ache and took 4 Advil to relax my back spasms, I smiled from ear to ear. I had done it! Did I mention that I had the day's laundry going in the washer already? Because I did. Never mind that I couldn't even see straight to watch an episode of television by myself. I had been perfect! Who cares that I spent about 15 minutes with my head resting on the wall of the shower thinking that it was a perfectly sane idea to just go ahead and nod off. I had mastered motherhood!
And I should be ready to do all again next April 2nd. So look out Pants children, your next perfect day is only 363 days away! Get excited, dudes!