But here's the thing, I am finding that some of the things that come with blogging are taking me away from my life. There are things I am supposed to do to stay relevant. To be read. To be heard. To become wildly famous and get a book deal. Those things include having a presence on all of the seventy billion social media platforms. Basically, I am to keep an iron very hot in each one of those seventy billion fires. But you know what? I can't.
And it has occurred to me just this week that I am ok with that.
For the last month I had agonized over how lost I am on Google+. Or how I've lost that lovin' feeling with Twitter. And Stumble Upon. And Pinterest (Blasphemer!). And just about every social media network out there. And then, two days ago this cement truck rocked Mr. Pants' world. It rolled into our driveway right as I was about to plop these two kids down in front of the TV so that I could do some long overdue networking.
Great freeging timing cement truck. You a-hole. Now I'll never get this kid off the bookshelf under the window in my room. And I can't leave these two because they will punch out the screen in the window just to see you. To be close to you. DAMN YOU, CEMENT TRUCK AND ALL OF YOUR AMAZING SPINNING!
But then I realized that tweeting and Google-ing (is that even what it's called?) and pimping this blog was nowhere near as important as having a 45 minute conversation with my son about construction and cement. And it cannot ever be. I felt a calm come to me that slowed my racing heart and soothed my irritated and twitchy brain. Be present. Be here. THIS is more important.
Then I actually, and I kid you not, I flicked myself between the eyes and snapped the hell out of the fog. And that was the moment I decided to stop.
At least for now. Stop all of the extra stuff I am "supposed" to do. Because these babies? They are getting so big. And, oh fagargyle, tears are coming as I type this. Of the happy kind. Slow down, Mama. Remember the kind of mother you want to be. The mama that is there.
I started writing to connect. I started writing to document this awesome, infuriating, messy, and so freaking blessed life that I live. That's it. Somehow it got bigger than that (so awesome). And then, as is human nature, "bigger" felt like it should be even bigger still. Better! Grander! More! More! More!
There are rules that I am supposed to follow to do this "right". And I found myself more and more often sitting in front of my computer screen rather than playing with my kids. Staring. Wondering what I was supposed to do next. My brain became mush. No joke. The mushiest and most slimy of all the mush. Dudes, I hate mush. I don't want to be mush. Mush sucks. I've never been big on following the rules. Especially when those rules interfere with my presence with my kids, my man, my family and my friends. And yes, with you.
So that, my lovelies, is your Pearl today (and mine). Be present. Exist in your life. Break the rules. Live your life as though you only get today. It sounds so damn cliche! But friends, you know it's right!
I love love love ( and I LOVE!) blogging. And I am going to keep writing right here. I love it so much. But I can't keep up with all of the other stuff without losing what is most important to me. Time and presence with my babies. Time and presence with my husband. Time and presence with my family and friends. Presence in my life. There is just nothing more important.
I will keep hanging out on the Facebook page. It's place where conversation can happen. The rest, I have to take a break from. I'm sure I will find a way to ease back in some day. Maybe in the Fall when school starts and there is less to do. Maybe I will figure out how to manage my time better. But for now? I am diving in to sprinklers and decorating my house with stickers and days spent lakeside or at the zoo. And I'm not gonna live tweet any of it. Because we only get to do this once. And for me the question is, if I live tweet from the zoo, am I really there or am I just pretending to be?
might be something awesome, something awful or a lesson that I learned during the week. Every Sunday I put that lesson here. Let my wisdom words inspire or frighten you. xoxox, Mama Pants}