Something very interesting is happening to us. We are finding our way back to each other.
<needle scratches off the record> Say what? You were lost?!
Yep! Yepper! Yup! Lost like Jack and Kate. Poor poor dead Jack and Kate.
My tendency to hold the kitten too tight until it suffocates is well documented. His tendency to dive inward is too. There is no such thing as a marriage without issues. I'm not going to detail ours here or anything because that's not your business even though I love you and usually have no problem barfing out all of the information here on the webternet. No, I'm not going to detail them because they are ours. Mine and his. The important part is that we have them and I know we are not alone. Because, and I might have said this before but, marriage is freaking hard, man.
Recently I eased up my grip on our fuzzy kitten of a marriage. I am learning that I cannot control it all. That sometimes, it will suck. That's life. It's not real to never have a bad day. It's not real to be shooting rainbows from your face 24/7. But what was very real was my vice grip on that precious kitten. What was very real was our disconnect.
I am learning that hard times do not signal doom. Hard times are not a reflection of me. Of him. Of us. Hard times are just that, hard times. We go through them. We go through them working our hardest to be our best self. We go through them hoping for the outcome we want. We go through them. We can get through them.
So he's proud of me because I have been working hard. I am proud of him because he is too. We had crawled into a cave when we became parents. Our lantern burned out while we were in there. We are awesome parents (what!what!). But the darkness made us unable to see each other. To see the marriage. The awesome, exhausting and enormous job of raising people gave us an excuse to stop caring for it, too. But recently these two crazy kids lit up that cave for us, held up a mirror and showed us our reflection. And it's because they did, we could see each other again (How's that for an off the hook metaphor? Nope, it sucked. I'm tired).
We are working on us. And the faith in my heart for us is gigantic. Gigantic. Basically it's Gigantor.
So your Pearl is this...
Marriage. It's so freaking hard. But nothing worth doing is going to come easy. Somebody, somewhere said that better than I just did. But it's late and I don't have any more time to write. The Mister is coming home from a well deserved night out and I am excited for him to come home.