It's really important to dig deep and learn everything you can about yourself. And I have found the best way to do that is to take an internet quiz. Sure, I could read books or go on long nature walks and commune with myself but why would I do that when I can answer five to ten questions and have the computer tell me what's up? So tonight I discovered that I am a better mother than anyone else that ever had kids. Because I took a quiz and this was the result...
"You are one groovy mom. You handle situations with more class than most people have in their little pinky. You are not quick to jump to conclusions, you usually have a plan B to fall back on and are open to other's opinions and recommendations. You use resources very wisely and understand the role of the parent in all situations. You are an excellent role model for your child and they are lucky to have such a thoughtful and sympathetic mother cheering them on."
I am groovy.
Luckily, I know they meant to say, "you have more class in your little pinky than a toddler does on three of the seven days in a week". And that by "plan B to fall back on", they meant boobs and ice cream. Also, if by resources they meant Sesame Street and trickery, then yes, I totally do use my resources wisely. I can also make toilet paper and toothpaste last forever. Pretty resourceful, if I do say so myself. And a role model? Yep. I can pull up my own pants after peeing while holding a clinging thirty-two pound gargantu- baby. That's a life skill, man.
I mean, yeah, I can't keep my kid clothed or break him of his facination with peeing on himself. I stink like whatever it is that you stink like when you have been wiping everything on your pants all day. There is something growing in my laundry room that I am afraid of and I have yet to get my fancy back (I'm working on it!). But today I was successful. Today Mr. Pants kept clothes on outside. Well sort of. I caught Plum in mid air as she plummeted from the couch (my back!). Everybody ate dinner and my ingenius plan to detail my own pooping in the potty with my child seemed to interest him long enough to think about pooping in the potty for four whole seconds before declaring his need for a diaper. Considering he usually refuses before I even finish the question, I am pleased with these results. Me: "Wanna try pooping in..". Pants: "NO WAY!" And finally, tonight, the internet says that I win. Just the pep talk I needed to scrub whatever it is that is growing in my laundry room (Alien baby sacs, I think. Potentially. Not sure though.)
So I declare this day, a win. Solidly.