You went to preschool today. And you walked right in with a brave and excited face. You sauntered in actually. Then you saw your teacher and broke out the penguin meets Mick Jagger walk. She giggled and you smiled your closed-eye toothy smile and hugged her. Then I said goodbye and you let me go. No tears.
Well, no tears from you.
So here I am at home. Plum is wondering where you are. She is watching Stuart Little 2 while I type this. She chose it, I think, because she knows that you don't like that movie. She played with a few of your Rescue Heroes, too. I think it's because she misses you, not because she's taking advantage of this time to play with your favorite toys. Well, maybe she is a little bit but I think it's mostly that she misses you. She asks about you every few minutes. "Where my brudder?", she says and my heart fights tears all over again. He's at school today, babe. "I go school an get him, mama?" Not right now, love. Later.
I know you will be great today, bud. I know because when you and I walked out to the car and I asked to take your picture, you said, "OK, Mama! I show you my happy. I show you my so very big excitement" and you smiled so so big for me. Then as I stared at this photo of you with tears in my eyes, you chicken walked around the tree and climbed up onto the roof of the car. So yeah, you were so excited.
As we pulled into the school, you had a moment of nerves. "You come wif me to school, mama?" I cannot stay, bud. But it's ok to be a little scared. You will be safe with Mrs. K and all of your friends. I think you are going to have fun today. And mama always comes back to get you, right? "Yes, mama." and you bowed your head to think about your feelings. A few moments later, you were ready.
And then my sweet boy, you walked ten feet tall into your school.
As I drove away I saw you take Mrs. K's hand and walk down the hall. You looked back through the open doors and waved again. And I reached over to the tissue box on the passenger seat. I could finally have that good cry that had been welling up for the last hour. A few of my tears were of sadness. I miss you when you are away. But most of my tears are because, buddy, I am so proud of you. You keep on tackling this big world. You keep learning. You keep tackling your fears. You keep rising up.
You just keep being awesome.
Love you forever,