Cc: Family, Friends,Waitress at Olive Garden, Bounce house worker and everyone else in all the world.
We need to talk. I really want to get together. I love getting out of the house. I love being out in the world. I love it so much but there is something you should know. I'm kind of annoying. Let me explain.
When you have a toddler with food allergies you think about food a lot. Like, a lot. Especially when those allergies are some of the most common ingredients in food. Plum is allergic to eggs, milk, peanuts and shellfish. And while steering clear of shrimp has proven pretty easy (Shit. You're not serving shrimp, right?!), the other three are everywhere. Everywhere, dude. I always carry an EpiPen and I'm always watching, scanning and informing. I'm sure it can be annoying for some. So if during our fun time together, I need to hit the bathroom and I turn to you for the 8th time that night and say something like, "Please just don't let her eat anything at all until I get back, ok?" You might want to say..."DUDE! I freeging know!" but I hope you'll just say, "Totally, I got this." because it's not you, it's me. And her. It's also her.
So yeah, I'm always thinking about food. And not just what I buy at the grocery store but also the food in restaurants and yep, the food at your house. And the food at the park. And random food stuff in just about every place you can think of because I have a toddler and she is every bit capable of stealing a child's snack on the playground. In fact, she's probably gonna do it (She's a second child. She can't help it). So I'm on watch. I can't trust her to do this all by herself yet. So it's gotta be me.
And that means I'm going to ask a few seemingly rude questions. Please don't hate me when you say that you checked for milk ingredients and then I'm all like, "can I see the box real quick?" (Did you know that milk has like seventy-two names?). It's not because I don't trust you. OK, It is because I don't trust you. But not in a bad way! Only in a mama bear way. I'm digging myself in a bit deep here, I get that. Moving on...
Did you know that when I walk into your house, I scan your counters? Also, I might be over here reading the labels of the bags of snacks in the trash can so there's that. If I start moving things further back on the table and rearranging snack placements, please don't think I'm a jerk-face. I'm just trying to set my playing field better to keep my kid safe.
I also probably have a bag of food that I brought so that she can eat. Please don't be offended. It's not your cooking. I love your cooking.
And finally, birthday parties are becoming especially hard. I mean, cake. The heavenly mouth loving celebration that is a plate full of cake. 99.9% of the time, Plum can't have your cake, man. Until recently it didn't really matter much but see, she gets it now. She wants what the other kids are having. And it's just cruel to bring her to a party to watch other kids enjoy cake. And so we will also bring dessert just for her (I'm not the best at baking without eggs and milk but I'm getting there).
Ok, that's about it. In closing, I just wanted to thank you for the invitation to share food with you. I hope that after all this jazz, you still will want us to actually come over.
~ Mama Pants
PS: This post was inspired by a very special six year-old's birthday party this past weekend. Her mom, Jessica, stopped off at a vegan bakery and purchased a special cupcake just for Plum to enjoy. I mean, that is some hostess with the most-ess type shiz right there.. Thank you, Auntie Jessica! Can I get a WHAT! WHAT! from all the allergy moms for Jessica? I mean...
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