It's me, Mama "I love Valentine's Day SO MUCH" Pants. I wanted a word with you, if you have a minute.
According to your Facebook status and tweets, I have gathered that you hate Valentine's Day. Well, I'm hoping you have a good day anyway. I mean for real. Don't be pissed. I get it. You don't want some silly holiday telling you to do nice things for people. I mean, jeez. Right?!
Well, I was there once too. In my early twenties, I hated Valentine's Day with a passion that I dare say no one could have mustered except me. I mean I wanted to light that mother fudging day on FIRE. I look back at my 20 yr-old self raising a middle finger to love and I giggle.
I was a doof.
I had completely missed the point. And instead of just chilling the hell out, I decided that I was somehow oppressed and being tread upon by all of the oppressive shit that was oppressive. I enjoyed figuratively peeing all over everyone else's joy on Valentine's Day. I found solace in saying things like "I don't need no damn holiday to show my love" and "F#@k Valentine's Day. It's just another day to sell chocolates and flowers that will DIE" and "I HATE your stupid ass-face Valentine's Day!"
A long time ago, like hundreds of years, the peoples decided that Feb. 14 was all about the love. Everybody was all like, "SWEET! I've been meaning to tell the gentle lady around the way that I fancy her!"
Not a bad thing.
Then in the 20th century, some folks decided that the day of love didn't have to be about skrunking and making babies. They thought, "Hey! We can just celebrate the love we have!" and others were like, "Super idea, Agnes!" and thus, the modern day Valentine's Day celebration was birthed.
Not a bad thing.
Late in the 20th century when consumerism took hold, card companies were all like, "Oh hell, yes! We can make money because of this day with people loving each other!"
Maybe a bit weird, but in general, when we look at the grand scheme of capitalism in America, this is not a bad thing. Small business flower shops and chocolate shops do their best business this day.
So here we sit in the 21st century, all pissy and opinionated about how Valentine's Day is a ploy to get you to spend money. And that pink hearts and chocolate are stupid and that receiving roses any other day of the year is special, just not on valentine's Day.
That is a bad thing.
Because... Ugh. Bah-Humbug to you, too, Sharon et al.
It's a bad thing because I mean, jeez, I'm gonna love someone sending me roses on Feb 14th and I'm gonna love it on June 14th too. Seriously, you guys, come the fark on! It's a holiday dedicated to loving people.
That is NOT a bad thing.
OK, calm down, I get it. Brandon and I are far from the romantic types living in this house with tiny people who are basically the most skilled "romance"-blockers you have ever met. Ev-ER. We have resigned to the fact that our romance is gone right now and has been replaced with "Mama! I need wiped!" but we still love each other. And do our own thing on Valentine's Day and Malley's and Godiva don't get a red cent from us. It's not about spending money. In fact we don't do gifts for each other at all. This is what we do.
So stop it right now with hating Valentine's Day. Consider that we all vow to keep the Christmas spirit throughout the year but, I mean, come February when your neighbor forgets to shovel the sidewalk and you want to unleash your hell-fire upon them, it's all but certain that you are not in possession of your Christmas spirit any longer. Or what about how we vow to be always thankful, not just in November but for all the days. I love that idea, too, but I am never more un-thankful than when I owe the IRS money. Am I right?
You get the point. It's not bad to have a day dedicated to love. Just take a look around your life, pinpoint who you love, it can be anyone. Here's a short list of possibilities: your dog, your kids, your family, your best friend, the dude who flirts with you at Burger King, your co-worker who makes you laugh, your spouse, your nieces or nephews, YOU etc etc. Pinpoint someone and celebrate them. It will feel good.
So don't be a hater this Valentine's Day. Don't hate any day of the year (except tax day, you can hate that if you want). Just take the day and make it work for you even if that means not celebrating it.
OK, so just in case you still hate Valentine's Day, I picked a Valentine just for you. A scenic romp of changing fonts and inspiration through the song Just Remember I Love You by the band Firefall. It is perhaps the worst love song ever written. But I used to have the 45 and play it on repeat in my room when I was like 7. I picked it just for you. Have a listen and imagine us standing on a mountain in the dark of night watching our shadows share a sweet kiss. There is no way you could hate Valentine's Day after that. No way.
Happy Valentine's Day!