XOXO, Mama Pants
Judgment is a hard thing to let go of. It's so ingrained in our culture to keep score or make assumptions about people. Myself included. But it's stupid and unfair. My whole life I have prided myself on not being a judgmental a-hole. For accepting people for who they are and where they are. Live and let live! But recently I took a hard look at myself and realized that I judge people all the time. In my head where no one but me knows about it. And it bummed me out. It's like I didn't know myself at all. I didn't used to be like that (at least not as much, I mean, aren't we all a-holes in our twenties? Just me?). Then I became a mom. And just like that, I got my quiet judge on. The mommy wars aren't just a media incarnation. Sure, they exploit it but it's real. It's even entered the political debate in time to get people nice and riled up so that we can avoid talking about all that other stuff in an election year.
I mean, sure, I judged before becoming a mom but not to the extent I have in the last three years. And that makes me a jerk face. By my definition. In my quest to rid myself of judgment, I cling to the hope that I never rose to the level of sancti-mommy. Because I hate sancti-mommies (<--- judgment!). Anyway, it's time to correct this veer off coarse before I become a monster of judgment and lose any more of myself. I have started this purge of judgment and I'm not going to stop. Because who the heck am I to judge anyone? I haven't bathed my kids in two days and yesterday Stuart Little parented them while I felt sorry for myself. That's ripe judging material for anyone out there that is inclined to do so. So I'm done and I invite you to join me. Come on along with me and let go of some assholery. It's pretty freeing, man. But I won't judge you if you decide not to join me and keep judging (<---See what I did there?).
The bottom line is, I am a good person. But it turns out that I am not the ONLY good person (Revelation!). My definition of "good person" probably differs from yours. Your definition is not wrong*. Neither is mine. I am not your judge.
So why do we do it? I think it's got a lot to do with judging ourselves. In judging ourselves, we start holding everyone else to the standards that we aspire to. The problem is that they are MY standards and were written or made up on the spot and decided on by ME. The rest of the world did not co-author my standards. Interesting. Basically, I have concluded that we judge others because we judge ourselves. And by judging ourselves too harshly, we bring ourselves down. And well, our culture (?) encourages us to feel better by stepping on the toes of others, hence judgment. So the reality is that SHNJG made me uncomfortable with myself. And if I had to give my best guess as to why, I'd say it was because there he was all sweaty and half naked, running and being healthy while I was on my way to Burger King for a thousand calorie breakfast sandwich. Which is so completely my bad, it's not even funny.
So thank you, SHNJG. And the lady at the grocery store and Octomom. You are now judged by one less person. And that is me.
* Unless your definition is really really bad or you kick people.
What are your thoughts on judgment? Talk to me...