I'll back up.
Yesterday morning was wonderful. I cleaned up the house and had a Cinderella moment with a pregnant robin outside our window. I could feel spring a coming. I am so very excited for this. Because this winter has kind of been terrible. Someone is always sick or crying it seems. While I always try very hard to NOT wish the days away, this winter made that goal a bit tough. Because it suuuuucked.
So our morning was fun. The house got cleaned. We played a bit outside, where I had a hilarious conversation with Mr. Pants about his parrot that had become frozen in a block of ice. "Whoa mama. Look at this! Da macaw is frozen in a Popsicle! He dead, mama?" He wasn't upset, just asking. I told him he wasn't dead, just in carbonite. And he said " oh ok" and ran off. With that, Mr Pants received his first lesson in Star Wars lore.
Things began descending into hell around 11 am. Mr. Pants decided to once again be a turd-face for his Head Start worker (Sorry Miss. J!). And for an hour I ran interference as he tried to steal everything from her bag and hide it in the house somewhere. He participated in almost nothing she tried to do with him but you know who did? Plum. She was all in. Miss J's grasshopper. She waited patiently and happily completed all of her "work" while Pants ran through the house screaming or trying to run everyone over with dump trucks.
We were managing though until Plum got stuck behind the recliner when she tried to retrieve the marker that Pants had swiped from her and thrown back there. I lifted her out and felt my back shift and pop. When you have blown discs in your back, that is no good, man. It will send the icy wave of fear through you. It will stop you in your tracks and make you sweat.
Miss J left and I got Plum down for her nap while Pants began taking pictures and cork boards down off the wall and eating paper. He TP-ed the living room and drew on himself with a successfully stolen Head Start marker. I found him in a pile of clothes he had removed from his dresser. You know that scene in Clue when yet another person (this time it's Yvette) is killed and the cast finds them? Instead of freaking out, they all just sigh and walk away? Yeah, that was me. I walked away defeated. My back hurt. I made myself some lunch a midst strewn toilet paper and half eaten art projects. I was hungry, man. And did I mention that my back hurt? So I ate. My feelings and my pain. I ate them.
Moments later I felt that dread that comes when you know you are about to toss your cookies. Yep. All that lunch? It didn't stay down. I had somehow managed to hurt my back and get ridiculously sick all in the same afternoon. There is nothing that can be done at this point but laugh and text your husband, dudes. And shed a few tears of self-pity. And explain to your kid that mommy is going to be OK (Your kid who has been a little punk all day long is suddenly concerned about you). I am reminded while barfing my face off that this lil dude is a good person despite his three year-old impulses.
"You spit out your food, mama?"
"Yeah, bud. Mama doesn't feel good. I'm OK, though. Go watch some tv and I'll be out in a minute"
"You no feel good, mama?"
"Right, bud. Mama's tummy hurts. It's OK, go watch some TV"
"You need a hug, mama?"
"Not just yet, dude"
"I call Fireman Sam. He know what to do!"
"Sounds good, bud."
"Mama? Is Daddy coming home?"
"I hope so duder."
He waits til I'm done. He has decided against a hug in favor of a few apprehensive love pats to my leg. "OK, mama?" "Yeah bud."
Daddy arrived home a few hours later and I went to bed at six. I woke at 8 to the smell of bacon. It turned my stomach. "Why for the love of baby puppies are you making bacon?", I moan. "I'm not. Come here. A little girl we all know had discovered the irresistible bowl of bacon grease and wore it as a hat"
I mean, that's what you are supposed to do with a bowl a bacon grease, no? Thankfully, I married a dude that can roll with the punches. And you know what I found when I rounded the corner to the kitchen? This...a good old-fashioned sink bath for bacon grease head.
Needless to say, I was no fan of yesterday. But I will say that Plum's curls are looking extremely luminous this morning. So today is looking up already. My final dream of the night was of playing baseball with my brothers in the backyard we grew up in. Under the willow tree we played in (and swung from it's branches) that has since been half taken down. Our dog Misty was running the bases with us. She was a good dog. I haven't seen her in 20 years. I woke with a smile on my face and feeling pretty good.
So good riddance, Yesterday. Hello today. You are bound to be a better day...right?