And close your fingertips and fly where I can't hold you. Let the sun-rain fall and let the dewy clouds enfold you. And maybe you can sing to me the words I just told you. If all the things you feel ain't what they seem. Then don't mind me 'cos I ain't nothin' but a dream.
Every time I try to sing this song to them, I have to stop. I can't get more than a few lines in before the lump forms in my throat, I feel the salt water hot in my eyes and my voice begins to shake.

I cannot look into their eyes or I don't even get that far. I've come a long way from singing about the paint colors in the house when Mr. Pants was new. But I still can't sing this one.
Sometimes we cannot speak or write words that actually mean what we want them to. Sometimes music can take those words and string them raw and real into the world. Sometimes a song gets inside of you. It's those songs that I cannot sing to my babies just yet. Because those songs lay bare my soul and it would seem I am not yet strong enough for that.

That's usually when I close my eyes and listen. I pull them in. I let the music play. Sometimes I hum and I get the courage to try a few lines. I stop when the tears come and listen. I watch them and dance with them. Hoping that they know how magnificently they are loved.

Music can bring me to my knees. It can make me feel everything at once. It can bring my heart to the outside of my body and move my emotions like waves. It brings me to such an important place when I let it. This place of pure love. A place of freedom. A place of stillness.  A place of knowing how fast these days are leaving us. How fleeting these years are while they are young.

And I hold them tighter when I am in this place. I hold them longer. I soak them in. I feel the love I have for them in my bones. And I never want to let them go. It's knowing that I will have to un-knot my fingers from around them someday that brings the swell of my heart and my tears.

I'm sure there will come a day when they think that's weird. But there will also come a day when they understand. When they know this place I am taken to. Because they will be taken there too. And they will know in their bones how fiercely they are loved.

If I had the chance to write a song for my children it would sound an awful lot like this one...
Let the river rock you like a cradle. Climb to the treetops, child, if you're able. Let your hands tie a knot across the table. Come and touch the things you cannot feel. And close your fingertips and fly where I can't hold you. Let the sun-rain fall and let the dewy clouds enfold you. And maybe you can sing to me the words I just told you, If all the things you feel ain't what they seem. And don't mind me 'cos I ain't nothin' but a dream.
Is there a song that speaks to your heart? Is there a place that the music takes you?
 


Comments

Juliet
01/08/2013 01:17

Beautiful! Just beautiful, mama! For me, every song I hear takes me back to a specific moment or time in my life. There are several country songs that give me that lump in my throat. Especially those that would play, as if signs, when I was pregnant with either of my girls. There are so many that I can't even think of a single one. It doesn't help that I've turned into a "softy" or a "cry baby" since becoming a mommy ;)

Reply
Mama Pants
01/08/2013 11:11

Songs are such beautiful memory holders <3

And yeah, I melted into a pool of butter the very second I became a mama. Oh yes, I did <3

Reply
01/08/2013 14:39

I feel the same way about music. It's brought me through tough times and helped me celebrate good times in a more meaningful way. It can conjure so much if you let it.

Lovely post.

Reply
01/08/2013 20:32

This was a beautiful piece. There are songs I can't sing to them either. Or sing in general because the song takes me somewhere I'm not ready to go right now.

Reply



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