I feel lost as a mother.
For the last several weeks Mr. Pants has been an anxious and over-loaded tornado. He is more often than not, a wreck. Uncontrolled. Devestated. Unwound.
His stims have come roaring back. He is side-eyeing, hulking and repeating. Life is so very difficult for him right now.
I have been floundering. Grabbing at straws. Drowning. Daddy too.
Sensory kids are never predictable. Just when you think you have it down, the game changes. Just when you think you have worked through the hardest parts, the parts change. Just when you think you know the score, well, you don't.
I am humbled. I am sad. I am hopeful. I appreciate the fact that we will never have all the answers. Even though I'd like them. Especially during weeks like these.
We are not sure why. We have some ideas.
We are not sure how to work through this. Again, with the ideas.
The old solutions are not working. New ones are met with resistance or escalation.
We will not stay lost. He will not stay in this intense place. And this is how I know...
For the last several weeks Mr. Pants has been an anxious and over-loaded tornado. He is more often than not, a wreck. Uncontrolled. Devestated. Unwound.
His stims have come roaring back. He is side-eyeing, hulking and repeating. Life is so very difficult for him right now.
I have been floundering. Grabbing at straws. Drowning. Daddy too.
Sensory kids are never predictable. Just when you think you have it down, the game changes. Just when you think you have worked through the hardest parts, the parts change. Just when you think you know the score, well, you don't.
I am humbled. I am sad. I am hopeful. I appreciate the fact that we will never have all the answers. Even though I'd like them. Especially during weeks like these.
We are not sure why. We have some ideas.
We are not sure how to work through this. Again, with the ideas.
The old solutions are not working. New ones are met with resistance or escalation.
We will not stay lost. He will not stay in this intense place. And this is how I know...
For weeks he has struggled to be with her. She has been desperate for his company. He has ignored her. Yelled at her. Hurt her. Isolated himself from her. He hasn't been able to deal with her crying or her singing or her dancing. It would send him into a tailspin. I do not know why. Other than it feels like, it's not her. It's not personal. It's any noise or distress or change or anything but quiet solitary being is too much right now. I think.
But not today. Today he loved her. Today he played trains with her. They danced to music together. They read books. And when Mama gave them each a box of raisins to eat while they waited for dinner, this is what happened. He sat with her. His body relaxed. He wanted to be with her. And her little foot drifted onto his leg. I think she was making sure to keep him there.
A breakthrough.
We will be ok. Mr. Pants will be ok. This sensory shit won't rule this child.
I know because he's already done it. We created a comfortable space for him and he figured out how to move his body through space at the ripe old age of 13 months. And he will again. Only this time, he has a new backer. His baby sister who seems to only grow more and more in love with her big brother everyday.
We will be alright. We will get there. We just need some new ideas. New strategies.
And more raisins.
But not today. Today he loved her. Today he played trains with her. They danced to music together. They read books. And when Mama gave them each a box of raisins to eat while they waited for dinner, this is what happened. He sat with her. His body relaxed. He wanted to be with her. And her little foot drifted onto his leg. I think she was making sure to keep him there.
A breakthrough.
We will be ok. Mr. Pants will be ok. This sensory shit won't rule this child.
I know because he's already done it. We created a comfortable space for him and he figured out how to move his body through space at the ripe old age of 13 months. And he will again. Only this time, he has a new backer. His baby sister who seems to only grow more and more in love with her big brother everyday.
We will be alright. We will get there. We just need some new ideas. New strategies.
And more raisins.
