Back when Mr. Pants was the teeniest of tiny babies, I was overcome with emotion thinking about one day sending him to school. I shit you not, I cried about it. Postpartum hormones were not very nice to me. I was an unholy mess. I would stare at my perfect little baby and cry about all kinds of things. He would maybe get married someday (tears). He would someday sing in a Christmas pageant (floodgates). Someday we will snuggle and watch Goonies (Sniff Sniff). But the most frequent tears I cried (beyond the ones when I would attempt to sing to him. Because those were just insane and hourly), were about sending him off to school. I remember talking with Daddy about home schooling and seeing his face go from normal to "You're talking crazy, woman!" in about four seconds. Probably because I would start crying when talking about it. Looking back, I see that I was in fact a crazy person. I really don't know how anyone took me seriously. Me and my constant crying.

So imagine my surprise when Daddy says to me today, "I want to plant a seed. What if you home schooled the kids?". My reaction, a calm and collected, "GAH!!!! I don't know! What if I suck at it! I'm not smart! Shit! Really?!?!". And then Daddy says, " I just want them to have the best start and maybe that's a way to make sure they do?" and then, "I just love them so much. I don't know if I'm ready to hand them off to others for teaching just yet" and my heart melts. He takes it a step further and totally gives me mad props for all the work I have already done with Mr. Pants (Well played, Sir). He then goes on and on about how great it could be. The educational trips to the science center and the local university. Going to meet firemen and doing math at the grocery store. He gently points out that we don't have the money to put them in Montessori (which is what I want) and that we have been so concerned about what school system to move in to. If we home schooled, the school system is everywhere. These are all excellent points.

But I'm gonna share a secret with you. One of my favorite hobbies is being lazy. Just ask my dirty dishes and clean unfolded laundry piled up in my bedroom like a dirty secret. So after hanging up the phone with Daddy, I experience the fear of not getting the break that comes with kids going to school. A well deserved break? Absolutely. Is it an awesome thing for  kids to go to school? Yep. Do I love teachers? Yes, I do! But then as I lay on the floor nursing Ms. Plum just now, I thought of a quote from Kitty Frantz that a friend of mine often posts. And it stopped my train of thought dead. Remember, you are not managing an inconvenience; you are raising a human being. And suddenly, I start to see the reasons that I had wanted to home school that itty bitty little perfect Mr. Pants. I want to cram as much awesome into him before handing over the reins to anyone else. Just fill him (both of them) up with awesome.  I want to teach him in the way he is best taught. By doing. By exploring. By living and running and jumping. I don't know Plum's best way just yet, but I will figure it out. I want to show my babies this world and be there to see them learn from it. At least while I am qualified (Mama was a science flunkie so um, there's that).  I mean, who better to follow his I.E.P. than the person that knows him and all his quirks best?  And the cool thing about home schooling kids these days is that there are networks of mom and dads and kids to be on the journey with. Socializing to be had. Other kids to play with and go on field trips with. Adventures for the taking.

The question is, do I have it in me to do it right? To be a full time teacher to my kids? Do I take this all the way and go the Unschooling route?  I guess that's the big giant one million dollar question, isn't it? Homeschooling isn't for everybody. Many people start out and decide it's not right for them. Others think it's awesome. What do I think? I have no friggin clue. It's a good thing I have a few years to research and argue with myself about it.